One of my favorite parts of writing for you fine folks each day is getting the chance to pull back the curtain on some of politics’ more cretinous creatures.
Of course, we did a great deal of this back during the 2016 election thanks to the inclusion of the abhorrently-behaved Hillary Clinton and the work of men such as Julian Assange of Wikileaks. This combination of predator and prey made for a fantastically interesting contest for the presidency, and it allowed We The People to catch a glimpse of the utter chicanery that occurs behind the scenes.
Hillary Clinton isn’t the only disingenuous democrat to find themselves in the crosshairs of some personal misrepresentation, either. Let’s take “cool guy” Texas Senate Candidate “Beto” O’Rourke.
First of all, “Beto” isn’t the candidate’s real name. Instead, the precocious young man was christened Robert Francis O’Rourke – a name that would send any campaign manager worth their weight scrambling for a way to hide the perception of generations of silver spoons being handed down in the O’Rourke dynasty.
Secondly, in an effort to be the “cool guy”, Beto O’Rourke played up his frankly less-than-mediocre skateboarding skills in a cleverly-directed “viral” video from a Whataburger parking lot. The man filming the action even went so far as to drop the canned line “this is the most Texas thing ever”.
Beto’s people decided to lean heavily on this moment during a weekend rally.
.@BetoORourke skateboards onto stage at his Corpus Christi stop. pic.twitter.com/7sydBZyzWP
— Haley Williams (@HaleyRhiannon) October 13, 2018
Now, as a young man whose elbows and toes have been mangled by a lengthy, 23 year skateboarding passion, let me tell you…this is a stunt. As someone who actually spent some time skateboarding, I will say here, without hesitation, that Bobby Frank O’Rourke here is not very comfortable on that board.
There is a very specific reason why Beto took his ride all the way across the stage and out of view before dismounting too: It’s because his dismount would have telegraphed this discomfort. You can see the left foot step off, and his whole body shudder on the impact. His hands come up, instinctively, just seconds after he is seen signaling to the crew he is approaching, making sure that they are ready for whatever is going to happen when he tries to stop.
Is this a pedantic rant, and a bit childish on my part? Sure. But as someone who put in the time in the skateboard culture, Beto’s appropriation of skateboarding offends me.
And, let’s be honest, my dissertation on Beto’s body language is still far more civil and classy than a beheading stunt or music video assassination.
The offer still stands for Beto, should he ever want to have a skate contest with yours truly. Something tells me he’ll have plenty of free time in the second half of November.
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